The Love Slut

I love the moments in life that I feel God must exist, or my will is so strong that what I wish for immediately comes true. I was sitting inside of this quiet and comfy bookstore wishing I had one sweet soul to read with, and as nothing happened I gathered my things. While walking out the door,  I saw a pair of green eyes staring wide at me.  She grabbed my arm and said, "Lean this way." A gentleman across the way was staring at me in an unfriendly kind of way. I leaned towards her and we both realized we had been looking for one another. My heart soared! This is her lovely interview.

Astrid: If you had to label yourself in some metaphysical theory, what would it be?

Love: I would say I am  humanist with an emphasis on Human Experience, and specifically on the connections we have to one another. I sometimes want to say atheist, but am truly more agnostic. If Science is the logical explanation, and religion is grounded in faith- I think there is an area the is a mixture of both in the human experience. Our life is more than its parts. I can't believe either one wholeheartedly. I believe what I see day to day, the good and the bad.
Terms like "Faith in Humanity" seem stupid to me because we are horrible. At the same time I know that statement is narrow because we are all in the process of healing. Every person experiences love, hate, joy, excitement, and we are on the way to complete understanding. We all have these emotions, they are intrinsic and that gives me faith. World peace is not possible, but we still have these amazing ups or positive emotions and experiences. Those are possible because the bad exists.

A: What is your  belief grounded in?

L: I went to catholic school, but at home my mother was very spiritual. She practiced tarot, believed in ghosts, clairvoyance, energies and that kind of stuff. I had a skewed view, but this was good because my moral beliefs weren't founded in church. I didn't believe I should do good to go to heaven. I learned that the connections we have with others shouldn't compromised for a lack of morality.

A: Do you have any experiences that really impacted you as a person and changed your beliefs or just impacted your beliefs?

L: Two years ago I was caught up is consumerism. The life I wanted and the image I wanted to portray was more expensive than what I had in my bank account, so I started stealing. It got so bad that I couldn't go into a store without taking something. I was trying to be someone I wasn't. I didn't realize that that wasn't the person I wanted to be until  I was robbed. As I was sleeping someone robbed my house and stole my car. I do believe in this type of Karma. I was doing wrong by my community and myself and I realized that when my actions had a consequence on myself.
From there I got a haircut and began the transformation into my real self.
I didn't realize how much of an addiction it was until I had to stop myself.

A: Wow. That's an amazing story. Thank you for sharing it with me. Did you ever get caught, and can you describe a little bit of what its like to be in that frame of mind?

L: I was never caught. And the thing you might find most surprising is that stealing was incredibly easy, and it is because people are so consumed with themselves. I was so brazen that as  I walked into a department store  I put a pretty scarf on my neck and was complimented by a woman working in the store. A few minutes later  I walked out with the scarf and the tag was still on.
The frame of mind was very strange- it was very much like a game. I was constantly looking for loops through security. But my experiences helped me realize that I shouldn't compromise my inner being with the physical. You can want nice things, but respect for the people you love and your community is what is most important.

A: Is there anything else that has really impacted you as a person? Has any one person or group of people effect you in a big way?

L: In high school I had a group of friends and always felt like I didn't fit in with them, I always felt like the butt of their jokes.
In college I was in the middle of changing my degree and meeting new people. We had a a girl night on a Tuesday and as I walked up I heard them saying the meanest things about me from an open window. It confirmed everything that I had felt for so long. I had no proof for the longest time and if I had left them sooner without proof, I would have been the bad person. I have never been so heart broken and pleased at the same time. Their actions freed me from having to hang on to the past.
I packed up all my things and moved closer to my new campus, and to new people. I learned to love a new city, new people, and I moved away from my family to further my experience.

A: Is there one thing you want to do before you die? One thing that would just make you so happy- maybe a little more complete?

L: I would love to write a book. But it will be a big accomplishment for me because I am dyslexic and I am very self conscious. I would call it "Love in 50 countries" or "Love Overseas".

I have this grand scale of love. Some people have this ultimate idea of love, but I believe a large sliding scale. There is a love that just really feels like you care about a person and how they feel, their goals, and then at the other end of the scale you might have someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.
There are other types of love, like a feeling for a moment or the objects or ideas that you love.

That is what I hope to write about.